Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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