I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
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You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
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I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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