shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Boobs speak an international language.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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