I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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