You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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