Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Randomize
