How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
