You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
