remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
