The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
