sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
