That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
is wine microwaveable?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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