im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
