hotel room ftw
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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