strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
