last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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