i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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