yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
