bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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