Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
