I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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