Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
only you would photoshop your dick
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
