I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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