so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
