I am puke
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
