Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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