first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
