I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
