Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
