So drunk its hurt
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
