Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
