So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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