What did we do last night that was yellow?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
