omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
