just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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