i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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