I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
