Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
