I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
3 2 1 whiskey
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
