he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
