I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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