im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His hands were made for my vagina.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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