i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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