6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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