i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
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