guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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