Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
