We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
