Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Welp...herpes.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
