HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
