Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
