last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
