yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
