Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
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