i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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