she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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