MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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