covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Randomize
