I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I hate all girls vehemently.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Mom said you looked used
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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