Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
