We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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