He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
