I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I cut my penus on the lid.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
