Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
