Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
