grandma shit on top of the toilet
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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