Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
