I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
