I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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